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Fear and Anger
Oct. 20th, 2006 02:32 amI've been thinking today (it must be PMS)about how much of life is motivated by Fear and Anger. Jennifer Michael Hecht (of course and as usual) has a poem that says it better, about how we have this compulsion to apply for the prize after the deadline has passed.
Or in my case, well, finally call my student loan people about consolidation a week before I end deferment. heh.
And today I was talking about romance and YA lit with folks again, a topic that never fails to get me sort of sad, which is odd since they're just about my two favorite things (now that you can have romance fantasy novels romance is edging out fantasy, since I always liked the fantasies with nice romance subplots best anyway...).
But somehow it's just so alienating to talk with people who like things you do, but for different reasons or in different ways. I'd rather talk with people about what they like that I don't, and learn their reasons - that always makes me feel good and energized.
Deep down inside, I feel as if there's so much fear involved, and I summed up today the fear that cripples me as a writer: What if I write honestly, and no one likes it? And, just as bad: What if I write *dis*honestly, and people love it?
*sigh*
And all of this is just procrastination, right? Time to log off the internet and get either some exercise or some writing done.
Tah.
Or in my case, well, finally call my student loan people about consolidation a week before I end deferment. heh.
And today I was talking about romance and YA lit with folks again, a topic that never fails to get me sort of sad, which is odd since they're just about my two favorite things (now that you can have romance fantasy novels romance is edging out fantasy, since I always liked the fantasies with nice romance subplots best anyway...).
But somehow it's just so alienating to talk with people who like things you do, but for different reasons or in different ways. I'd rather talk with people about what they like that I don't, and learn their reasons - that always makes me feel good and energized.
Deep down inside, I feel as if there's so much fear involved, and I summed up today the fear that cripples me as a writer: What if I write honestly, and no one likes it? And, just as bad: What if I write *dis*honestly, and people love it?
*sigh*
And all of this is just procrastination, right? Time to log off the internet and get either some exercise or some writing done.
Tah.
