![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
So lots of the author types whose LJs I read linked to this long post about not being "that guy"
Partly I liked reading it a lot, and partly I thought (as I looked at some of the background situations): oh, thank gosh it's been a while since my whole social life was lived in theatrical/computing/sf circles. I mean, I miss being a hardcore geek when all my geek assumptions show up to trip me up in non-geek life, but sometimes life is just easier in the land of all assumptions, all the time that is my non-geek life. (Grossly exaggerating, geeks analyze everything. Non geeks just assume it works for some reason or doesn't work for some reason. Both approaches have their moments.)
But mostly, I was grateful for the free internet therapy - as applied to the reference interview. All weekend I've been kicking myself because I accidentally hit someone's button in a reference interview. They were very hurt. Didn't tell me or show me, and I didn't catch on. They called back to complain a day later or something.
And I'm thinking all weekend - well, shit, what could I have done better to avoid that? Talked it out with friends, family members. And certainly there are lessons I can and have drawn from the experience. (Lesson #1 - if folks are ordering politics books, there shall be NO extraneous chat. Most folks feel differently about politics books vs. say, romance novels. Me, not so much, other people, definitely.)
But given my background and whatever the mindset of the person was, in that moment, I don't think I was equipped to do better. Now, knowing that X could invoke Y reaction, I could do better. But at that moment, I had no clue that X could evoke Y reaction. I liked the parts in the linked essay above about how no matter how hard you try to do better, sometimes you will fail.
My spirit is willing, but my data set is weak.
(Swallowing the irritation when my coworkers endlessly hit my psychological buttons unapologetically because given cultural norms they can't help but assume stuff that ain't true about me, that's a whole different issue that I don't expect to ever get resolved to my satisfaction.)
Partly I liked reading it a lot, and partly I thought (as I looked at some of the background situations): oh, thank gosh it's been a while since my whole social life was lived in theatrical/computing/sf circles. I mean, I miss being a hardcore geek when all my geek assumptions show up to trip me up in non-geek life, but sometimes life is just easier in the land of all assumptions, all the time that is my non-geek life. (Grossly exaggerating, geeks analyze everything. Non geeks just assume it works for some reason or doesn't work for some reason. Both approaches have their moments.)
But mostly, I was grateful for the free internet therapy - as applied to the reference interview. All weekend I've been kicking myself because I accidentally hit someone's button in a reference interview. They were very hurt. Didn't tell me or show me, and I didn't catch on. They called back to complain a day later or something.
And I'm thinking all weekend - well, shit, what could I have done better to avoid that? Talked it out with friends, family members. And certainly there are lessons I can and have drawn from the experience. (Lesson #1 - if folks are ordering politics books, there shall be NO extraneous chat. Most folks feel differently about politics books vs. say, romance novels. Me, not so much, other people, definitely.)
But given my background and whatever the mindset of the person was, in that moment, I don't think I was equipped to do better. Now, knowing that X could invoke Y reaction, I could do better. But at that moment, I had no clue that X could evoke Y reaction. I liked the parts in the linked essay above about how no matter how hard you try to do better, sometimes you will fail.
My spirit is willing, but my data set is weak.
(Swallowing the irritation when my coworkers endlessly hit my psychological buttons unapologetically because given cultural norms they can't help but assume stuff that ain't true about me, that's a whole different issue that I don't expect to ever get resolved to my satisfaction.)
