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So I'm avoiding my homework on the theory that I'm "really inspired" to write tonight, which means I've been avoiding even opening my word processor as I surf the web and listen to techno.
I've been getting twitchier and twitchier as the wedding approaches, but the positive side effect of this has been to cause me to get back in touch with many people who I used to know/care about/date/be friends with, etc. Like a kind of spiritual house cleaning before the wedding. Getting all my karma in one hatbox and packing it up with ribbon.
I feel very blessed in life that men with whom I've had strained dating relationships over the past decade still care about me as a friend, in a non-creepy way. I feel very blessed that I have close friends of all kinds who are willing to look past occasional lapses in behavior or lengthy lapses in contact and offer me their best. Sometimes I look at the capacity of the world for goodness, for forgiveness, even just for compassion, and I am shamed and humbled. Truthfully, if we can bring ourselves to admit our mistakes and our limitations, to acknowledge that not all of the things we ask for are things we should have, well, out of that realization come moments where we are given such incredible gifts.
I feel very lucky because even though I have had many relationships that weren't the healthiest for anyone involved, I have never been involved with anyone (as lover or friend) who didn't genuinely want the best for me. The mistakes all of us made were never made out of cruelty or malice. And so there are a lot of wonderful people out there who aren't the right person for me at *all*, romantically. But they're good people, and I can appreciate them as good people without wanting to own them. And I have a lot of friends who are good people, but sometimes we need to grow in separate directions for a while. I've been so lucky that these friends have given me room when I needed to grow and change, and then welcomed me when I was ready to bring those changes back into our friendships.
I've been getting twitchier and twitchier as the wedding approaches, but the positive side effect of this has been to cause me to get back in touch with many people who I used to know/care about/date/be friends with, etc. Like a kind of spiritual house cleaning before the wedding. Getting all my karma in one hatbox and packing it up with ribbon.
I feel very blessed in life that men with whom I've had strained dating relationships over the past decade still care about me as a friend, in a non-creepy way. I feel very blessed that I have close friends of all kinds who are willing to look past occasional lapses in behavior or lengthy lapses in contact and offer me their best. Sometimes I look at the capacity of the world for goodness, for forgiveness, even just for compassion, and I am shamed and humbled. Truthfully, if we can bring ourselves to admit our mistakes and our limitations, to acknowledge that not all of the things we ask for are things we should have, well, out of that realization come moments where we are given such incredible gifts.
I feel very lucky because even though I have had many relationships that weren't the healthiest for anyone involved, I have never been involved with anyone (as lover or friend) who didn't genuinely want the best for me. The mistakes all of us made were never made out of cruelty or malice. And so there are a lot of wonderful people out there who aren't the right person for me at *all*, romantically. But they're good people, and I can appreciate them as good people without wanting to own them. And I have a lot of friends who are good people, but sometimes we need to grow in separate directions for a while. I've been so lucky that these friends have given me room when I needed to grow and change, and then welcomed me when I was ready to bring those changes back into our friendships.
