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Auld Lang Syne
Mar. 26th, 2005 07:50 amTalking to a friend about long-ago and far-away and feelings two nights ago on the telephone.
Hearing how everything is so complicated when you just don't want to say why.
Anyway, it all made me feel hollow and aching in my gut. Made me think again and again of Z. Z. was my best friend once-upon-a-time, and we don't talk anymore. Probl'y for the best, I suppose, but other friends like S. and I have managed to work through all our past b.s. and get along well. Z. was pretty much the one who took care of me through college, though I thought I was taking care of him. Probl'y thanks to him that I grew up and got married and started work on making something of myself. Course you can say that about so many people, right? S. put it well to me a week ago, he said that it was showing people little pathways they might not have noticed otherwise. it wasn't herding them down some whole highway. Still all strange.
And then there's my dear friend and bridesmaid, almejor, who I haven't talked to in, oh, 3 months. That's all weird in my head too, after reading too many of these depressing teen books for my young adult literature class. All that self-analytical angst. Makes logic strange.
Got a stack of wedding announcements for my 6mos ago wedding still waiting to be mailed out, taking up space on my unused workout bench. Got dirty sweaters and empty mugs piled on every surface except the unswept floor. Not even that busy, just a little out of my head lately. Quit smoking and haven't been to the gym, maybe that balances out. Thinking too damn much. Makes me want to stuff my head in a novel (there's a new one out by Elizabeth George, brit mystery write) and not come up until Spring decides to rear its curly little head here in Chicago. Maybe I'll take a shower and see how that helps my mood.
Hearing how everything is so complicated when you just don't want to say why.
Anyway, it all made me feel hollow and aching in my gut. Made me think again and again of Z. Z. was my best friend once-upon-a-time, and we don't talk anymore. Probl'y for the best, I suppose, but other friends like S. and I have managed to work through all our past b.s. and get along well. Z. was pretty much the one who took care of me through college, though I thought I was taking care of him. Probl'y thanks to him that I grew up and got married and started work on making something of myself. Course you can say that about so many people, right? S. put it well to me a week ago, he said that it was showing people little pathways they might not have noticed otherwise. it wasn't herding them down some whole highway. Still all strange.
And then there's my dear friend and bridesmaid, almejor, who I haven't talked to in, oh, 3 months. That's all weird in my head too, after reading too many of these depressing teen books for my young adult literature class. All that self-analytical angst. Makes logic strange.
Got a stack of wedding announcements for my 6mos ago wedding still waiting to be mailed out, taking up space on my unused workout bench. Got dirty sweaters and empty mugs piled on every surface except the unswept floor. Not even that busy, just a little out of my head lately. Quit smoking and haven't been to the gym, maybe that balances out. Thinking too damn much. Makes me want to stuff my head in a novel (there's a new one out by Elizabeth George, brit mystery write) and not come up until Spring decides to rear its curly little head here in Chicago. Maybe I'll take a shower and see how that helps my mood.
