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I needed a new swimsuit due to increased winter poundage. (My old one was bought during a period in my life when I ate plain boiled lentils and carrots for most meals, walked 4+ miles a day, and worked manual labor in 10 hour shifts - my desk job, computer-addicted body does not currently fit in it.)
So I go to the store. I try Macy's first. I see a ton of string bikinis. The only use I have for a string bikini is to hide my nipples while I tan. I cannot actually swim in one, as my breasts fall out. It does not matter how large the bikini, this always happens. I look for one piece suits - they have about three, in strange folded shapes, and they cost over $100.
I go to Target. I look at swimsuits. Despite the fact that it is only May, swimsuit season is clearly over. Sad unmatched bikini tops and bottoms litter the landscape like ugly neon snowdrifts. I see some one piece suits! They are in ugly colors (primary yellow?) but I go closer. They are strapless swimsuits. If I tried to shove 36D breasts into a strapless swimsuit, I would last about 3 minutes before getting a citation for indecent exposure. I move on. I find a one piece brown suit in the back of a row of tank top suit tops. It has a halter neck. In desperation, I try it on (at least they aren't spaghetti straps, I figure).
I haul the suit up. It doesn't look half bad. My breasts are contained. However, the downward pressure they are exerting on the halter tie is so strong that I think I might be decapitated mid breast-stroke.
I head towards the athletic section and decide that I'll try getting a black polyester sports bra and black polyester stretchy running shorts. If they don't work out in the pool, I can always use more workout clothes. I try them on. I look revolting - bulgy tummy, weird hip bulges, ugly place to cut off the leg, under-bra-bulge in 360 degree rotation.
However, I am comfortable, my thighs don't chafe, and my breasts don't seem ready to explode free of their polyester trappings. I buy the stuff.
Anyone who sees me in the pool may be struck blind, but at least I will be able to actually swim without bits of me popping out at sudden moments.
I'm sure I could get a nice Speedo one piece that would fit and be comfortable, but I have never had the money to spend on swimsuits that that would require.
Maybe if I actually swim on a near daily basis this summer, I will indulge in one next year.
So I go to the store. I try Macy's first. I see a ton of string bikinis. The only use I have for a string bikini is to hide my nipples while I tan. I cannot actually swim in one, as my breasts fall out. It does not matter how large the bikini, this always happens. I look for one piece suits - they have about three, in strange folded shapes, and they cost over $100.
I go to Target. I look at swimsuits. Despite the fact that it is only May, swimsuit season is clearly over. Sad unmatched bikini tops and bottoms litter the landscape like ugly neon snowdrifts. I see some one piece suits! They are in ugly colors (primary yellow?) but I go closer. They are strapless swimsuits. If I tried to shove 36D breasts into a strapless swimsuit, I would last about 3 minutes before getting a citation for indecent exposure. I move on. I find a one piece brown suit in the back of a row of tank top suit tops. It has a halter neck. In desperation, I try it on (at least they aren't spaghetti straps, I figure).
I haul the suit up. It doesn't look half bad. My breasts are contained. However, the downward pressure they are exerting on the halter tie is so strong that I think I might be decapitated mid breast-stroke.
I head towards the athletic section and decide that I'll try getting a black polyester sports bra and black polyester stretchy running shorts. If they don't work out in the pool, I can always use more workout clothes. I try them on. I look revolting - bulgy tummy, weird hip bulges, ugly place to cut off the leg, under-bra-bulge in 360 degree rotation.
However, I am comfortable, my thighs don't chafe, and my breasts don't seem ready to explode free of their polyester trappings. I buy the stuff.
Anyone who sees me in the pool may be struck blind, but at least I will be able to actually swim without bits of me popping out at sudden moments.
I'm sure I could get a nice Speedo one piece that would fit and be comfortable, but I have never had the money to spend on swimsuits that that would require.
Maybe if I actually swim on a near daily basis this summer, I will indulge in one next year.
